Tim Allen Design

Tim Allen is excited. His eyes are sparkling, his demeanor is electric, and his grin is genuine. Today, this eminently successful comedian and author, this incredibly wealthy TV and movie star, this universally beloved American he-man icon, is practically wetting his pants in anticipation of driving his new car.

Allen's world-renowned "Home Improvement" character, Tim Taylor, would be proud. The bad, black sedan in question is a highly modified Impala SS built by Chevrolet Specialty Vehicles Manager Jon Moss and crew for Allen's personal use. Under its hood rumbles a Corvette ZR-1 DOHC V-8 bored and stroked to 6.3 liters of displacement, stuffed with 12.2:1 compression pistons, and churning out 446 horsepower and 448 pound-feet of torque. Backed up by a toughened GM 4L60-E four-speed automatic, 4.10:1 rear gears, and gummy BFGoodrich 275/40ZR17 Comp T/A's on one-of-a-kind Enkei 17x9.0-inch aluminum wheels, this ground pounder exudes more pure macho essence than every tool in the Binford lineup combined.

The venue is the legendary Pomona Dragstrip, and Motor Trend is on-site to test Allen's street racer only a few hours after the tire smoke dispersed from the NHRA Winston Finals. The grandstands are empty but the starting line is awash in photographers, videographers, PR execs, publicists, Chevrolet engineers, and various hangers-on. Yes, it's apparently a big deal when Tim Allen gets a new car.

Tim waves me over to join him for the first full-throttle full-track acceleration run of the vicious Impala, and like his damn-the-warranty "Tool Time" character might do, he blithefully rams the throttle to the floor from a dead stop. In a nanosecond the monster rush of torque overwhelms the fat rear tires' grip coefficient, engulfing the aforementioned entourage in a sinus-searing cloud of liquefied tire tread. Undaunted, Tim keeps his boot down while the car slews left-right-left as the speed builds. "Ooooh, man, feel that torque!" he yells over to me as the car continues its barely-in-control full-track burnout, now edging past 80 mph. "That's the motor they should have done for the ZR-1!" he crows. Indeed, the engine's a brute, matched by a multicammed big-cube sound that can only be described as sensually riveting. The only problem: The car's slewing so wildly that we're now heading toward the big concrete retaining wall on the right side of the track at an angle that suggests rapidly impending doom. Tim's foot remains on the firewall.

My eyes widen to full pizza-pan diameter as my mind races through the probable scenario of disaster. At 90-plus mph, this isn't going to be pretty.

Then, without fanfare or a hint of duress, the good Mr. Allen makes the appropriate steering and throttle correction and his bulging-bicep Impala regains its footing, swaggering back into the drag lane and powering through the timing traps at over 100 mph. Tim nails the brakes hard, swims through a hot U-turn at the end of the strip, and rams the throttle open once again, catapulting us back toward the starting line amid more squealing tire noise and rampaging engine roar. At the 1-2 shift, the big Chevy again cocks itself sideways. Tim lets out a loud hoot. "Man, this car is amazing!"

Once back on terra firma, I felt like lighting up an unfiltered Camel and getting a tattoo...just the way Tim Taylor would've liked it.